tonight

now that everyone’s gone to sleep, i think it’s just about time for me to start feeling all bad and stuff.

I don’t know. i just wish sometimes, people would acknowledge that i’m there. Even if i don’t make it known, i’m always there to listen. I don’t know if you know the feeling, but it’s a terrible one. It’s like… you take time out of your plans (like studying) and maybe for 10-15 mins, spend time listening to someone go on and on about life and yet, it’s not appreciated? I know 10-15minutes doesn’t sound like a lot but it’s still deviating from plans. And it’s not just once or twice. It happens a lot. I do want to listen to someone because if it’s gonna help them, it’s better for them to get whatever’s bothering them off their chest.

And sometimes i just wonder why i’m doing all this shit. I don’t expect much in return. Honestly i don’t even expect anything but sometimes, i just feel really under appreciated. It’s a terrible feeling.

I just wish sometimes, someone would acknowledge my help. I know it’s terrible of me to expect this but i can’t help it. I wish someone would help me too. I don’t expect anything but i just wish sometimes, someone would do it for me too. Bring me out of my hole. Help me stop from running away when i get really close to someone, to trust again. Help me stop escaping from my problems. Hold my hand and  run me through the problems.

Maybe it’s just me. Maybe i have issues opening up to people.

I don’t really expect anything to change. This is just a thought.

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YOUR PAST DOESNT NEED TO BE YOUR FUTURE

holidays are here!!!

the holidays are here the holidays are here!!! and my phone not being in silent mode has officially signified the official start of it (: well ok, that and waking up at 2pm…. (wtf I’m such a pig)

Here’s to a month of doing things i wanna do, getting enough rest and studying well!!! Sigh… hope i don’t screw up CTs!

nice guys

The SG Rapper and Sammy (‘:

The Audition was good and having laoban tauhuey sold outside was awesome. haha been going for concerts and argh i miss Action! ): I realized i never really thanked everyone properly. But i’d just like to say that thanks everyone for coming and thanks all the performers for putting up such a great show. After all the planning and rehearsals and stress, it made everything fun and worth it and argh i wish i could organize another one this year! Told Yasmine that next year when she comes to rj, we can organize another one haha

upset

(haha cannot stop looking at this pic because it is damn funny. i cannot stop laughing at how ugly i am. i am a good source of entertainment!)

First ever CT paper in school today and the atmosphere… hasn’t changed one bit. ok maybe except for the fact that RI boys actually add the stress to the room. Not forgetting the JAE kids are working their asses off in the room. But i guess it was ok and i just hope i can pass. just a pass!!! Then i swear i’ll work harder and get even better grades in promos. Sigh…

so fucking upset right now i just want to sleep but i can’t because there is PW due tomorrow and my group has done nothing much. We are so screwed and urgh omg why can’t PW just burn and die. and roll into a death pit from hell… then fall some more into the different levels of hell. and come back to earth and fall 10 more times.

payphone

Can’t wait to get an iPhone haha we can all expect a lot more photos if i do get it.

Yesterday someone asked me why i torture myself like this (i won’t go any further into what “this” is).. and i couldn’t answer. I could only think up of excuses for myself. “It’s nothing la. It just keeps appearing” well there is some truth in that. How you’re everywhere i turn and everywhere i go.. i know how cliche it sounds but this has really been how i’ve felt the past couple of days. Everything reminds me of the past. And today i felt this sudden wave of sadness engulf me and i was like “wtf why now?! why in chinese class!?” and lol i was.. bemused. Well okay that on top of the sadness. But i guess i can say I’m getting better since i was able to contain the sadness. I pushed it out of my mind. Urgh, i don’t have time for such sadness. ): Why’s happiness so hard to come by?

with me

This sum 41 song just brings back all the memories that i’ve fought so hard to forget. But i just realized that.. there’s really no use in trying to forget them. They’re memories. Good ones. Why should i be forced to forget things that brought me so much happiness? Shouldn’t i be thanking the gods above for having given me the chance to experience happiness? Yes, i should, so no, i shouldn’t forget them. I get to look back on them and remember that i had once been lucky to have someone who was always there for me without fail and lucky to learn that i should never take advantage of things. I should never assume that i will never lose a friend. I should learn to let go too. I should learn to give up.

Honestly the past week has been.. weird. I’ve learnt so much and i still battle within myself whether i should give up on something i’ve held so long onto or hold on because there must’ve been a good reason why i was holding on for so long. I’ve decided though, that i should give up and move on because everyone else has. It won’t ever be worth holding on anymore. I’d definitely seem stupid if i held on.

Talking to Sussan about this today and gosh i just love my friends. As unproductive as it was (well ok i finished econs ok), i’m glad i got a chance to talk to my friends. Dinner with Eugene and Sussan was fun (we played that Facebook game where you put your phones in the centre and you’re not allowed to touch it) and then we went back to school and talked to Kai Ling and played with the cat haha i guess i do have things to look forward to and be glad about the present things in life. I should stop harboring hopes on the past.

Maybe it was meant to be. I will never know what it feels like but i guess we were  torn apart for a reason and i should make way for better things to come. I hope something better comes along soon though. I’m in pain right now but i’m slowly getting better (:

a picture speaks a 1000 words. enough said.

this post isn’t about sadness. it’s about freedom.

Sometimes you have to tell yourself that things happen for a reason. if things are meant to be, they’re meant to be. No use fighting against what life has given to you. Maybe something better will come along.

I’ll get better. At least someone was brave enough to tell me to let go. forever.